I talk a lot about fear in my articles because I believe it’s what I and many others let drive our decision making. Whether that’s to not push ourselves forward and therefore stay in a comfortable life or use the fear to allow us to move into risk and opportunity. There are a lot of people that are known for teaching others about what they want and why they want it, but few are providing easy tools in “how” to change the everyday decisions we make that provide or support the courage required to live our best life. Mel Robbins is one of those folks that provide insight on how to make the most out of our decisions to get what we want. Whether that’s to go after that new career, ask for a raise, start a business, get the body you desire or any other thing you want to do but haven’t followed through with yet. She came out with a book a few years ago called “The 5 Second Rule: Transform your Life, Work, and Confidence with Everyday Courage.” It has given her mastery in her life to be her best self and she has helped hundreds of thousands of people do the same.
Robbins firmly believes that motivation is garbage and can provide backup for her theory based on science. I was intrigued by this rule and decided to apply it in my life for 7 days to see if I could make some changes around a healthier lifestyle, following through with my homework consistently for classes I am taking and for setting goals. I quite frequently find myself procrastinating on all of these, and find distractions to avoid it. Then, at the last minute I’m cramming the night before and I never get to putting my goals up where I can see them every day to keep them in focus. I also find I allow myself to eat unhealthy snacks in front of the TV or a few glasses of wine or prosecco when I know full well none of that is healthy 3 or 4 nights a week! There’s a consensus out there when I chat with my friends, that most of us want to be healthier but don’t always want to do the work, and unfortunately there’s no cutting corners when it comes to the ideal weight and buff body we want, especially as we get older. How can we stop procrastinating and start living?
What is this Rule?
The power of the 5 second rule is not picking up food off the floor and blowing off any dirt it might have touched as we were taught! On a side note, I often find myself doing this especially when cooking and cutting up veggies for meal prep – oops. Robbins says using her 5 second rule will enrich your life and destroy doubt in 5 seconds. If you want to do something, and if you wait longer than 5 seconds, you’ll talk yourself out of making the decision to apply action instead of just doing it. For example, I used to do this all the time, I would say tomorrow I’m going to start working out again and I am excited about it, then go to bed and hit the snooze button until I had left myself no time except to get ready for work. I don’t do this anymore as I just get up when the alarm goes off before I have time to talk myself out of it. I didn’t know I was hacking my brain already, but it took me years to get there. There was a period in my life when I tried tricking my brain by setting the alarm clock ahead 10 minutes so when it went off at 6:00am it was actually 5:50 am and I knew I had 10 minutes of snoozing available. How crazy is that, I’m grateful I learnt to train myself to just get up when it went off and would not give myself time to think about it. That was a couple years ago and today that still works for me. I could have saved myself some angst had I know about this rule. However, I do procrastinate on other things and can’t seem to get any traction so when I heard a podcast about the 5 second rule from a course I am taking, it intrigued me. I know there have been countless moments everyday where I want to do something and I end up not, then I feel guilty about it and on and on the pattern goes. Robbins says hesitation, is the kiss of death.
The 5 second rule if applied regularly, gets your inner wisdom (gut instinct) to kick in, and then it gives you the courage to act on it. Your inner wisdom is always there but often we don’t listen to it. This rule is not something to think about, it’s a tool to use and if applied consistently, will allow only the inner wisdom to be heard to enhance our lives. Essentially, whenever you want to do something for the better, simply count 5-4-3-2-1 and then apply action and just do it. A lot of advice out there is about doing mental battle and if you try to do that, sometimes it can take you out but the 5-4-3-2-1 is a tool to get you out of your head. It’s a tool that helps you tune into your inner wisdom, a direct line to your inner voice. Tuning out the critic and trust the instincts is what successful people and those we admire have figured out. Robbins says, for those of us that haven’t this is a great tool to help with that. When I first heard of this, it reminded me of the rockets NASA would launch and hearing that countdown and then the rocket taking off. There was a song from the 80’s by Peter Schilling called Major Tom (coming home) and the catchy chorus repeated 4-3-2-1 countdown resembling a rocket launching. It was hard to get that song out of my head and because of this, I now find it easier to remember to apply this rule in everyday life. Robbins got the idea from initially, watching a NASA commercial of a rocket launch and then applied that theory when her alarm went off the next morning. She then researched this and found out it’s an actual thing that is used in the armed services to get troops to line up and is used in elementary school to get kids attention.
I remember utilizing something similar on my son when he was around age 3-5. I was struggling with him not listening to me when we I said it was time to leave when were at the park playing or to get out of the house in the morning for work and getting him to daycare and then school. All scenarios involving scheduling was difficult and he would not want to, would have a temper tantrum and it was so exhausting for both of us. I talked to his doctor about and she recommended a great book that dealt with changing behaviour called 1-2-3 Magic by Thomas W. Phelan, Ph.D. It described how counting with young children can stop behaviours you don’t want and start ones you do.
How it works:
1. After your child misbehaves, mouths off, or does not respond to you, calmly say, “that’s 1”, then do not speak. Wait 5 seconds.
2. If behaviour continues, calmly say “that’s 2”, then do not speak. Wait 5 seconds.
3. If behaviour continues, calmly say “that’s 3, time out”. Do not talk, argue, or get emotional. The consequence for getting a “3” could be a time out or alternative such as a loss of a privilege, a fine from allowance, small or large chore, earlier bed time, cannot see a friend etc. You choose for the child or have them choose.
This method was life changing and after a short period of time, I never had to get to 3 ever again and most parents at the playground or school couldn’t believe how well behaved my son was and all I ever had to do was say “that’s 1” and he chose action and did what I asked always. This isn’t exactly the same as the 5 second rule with the direction of the counting, but using counting as a way to make decisions for how you behave is the same. Any parents or grandparents out there, I highly recommend this book.
I also thought of the slogan campaign from Nike “Just Do It” and how all these years later, it’s one of the most recognized and utilized slogans out there. Athletes tell themselves this all the time to keep up the rigorous workout and practice routines they must do everyday in order to be competitive. Just doing it instead of thinking about it, creates the action and momentum necessary to improve ourselves. The 5 second rule, gives us a way to interrupt our thoughts and then we can act. Tony Robbins talks about how taking action is the only thing that will impact change in your life. He says if you think you can’t, then that is what you know you must do and then just do it. Again utilizing this for what I know I need to do but not necessarily moved to do the thing I know I need to do. As an avoidant, I need all the help I can get as I am typically fearful about a lot of things and I can tend to live in my head. How do you get out of your head, find the courage to do what scares me that will enhance me? – according to Mel Robbins, apply the 5 second rule.
The rule is easy, when an opportunity arises, don’t think about it – just count 5-4-3-2-1 and decide. This allows you to go with your gut and heart at the same time as opposed to using too much logic, which leads to overthinking.
You can use this to improve your eating habits and healthy lifestyle. If you use it in conjunction with the philosophy Tony Robbins coined, burn all your boats, then there’s no turning back on your decision and no plan B or back door. An easy one to start with is the alarm clock. If you are the type of person that likes to hit the snooze button in the morning, take the 7-day challenge and as soon as the alarm goes off, count backwards from 5 and get yourself out of bed.
Why does the 5 Second Rule work?
Robbins says by counting backwards you mentally shift the gears in your mind and interrupt your default thinking and do what phycologist call assert control. The counting distracts you from excuses and focuses your mind on moving in a new direction. When you physically move instead of stopping to think, your physiology changes and your mind falls in line behind your body. She goes on to explain that by using the rule, you do what experts call Metacognition – You can outsmart your brain to meet your goals and further your life. Tricks you can use in furtherance of a higher purpose, brain hacks…
The prefrontal cortex is the part of your brain you use when you focus, when you change, when you take what experts call deliberate actions. Awaken the pre-fontal cortex and change your behaviour. End procrastination and anxiety and beat any fear and gain courage. Courage changes everything and the way you connect. It also impacts the basil ganglia, the part where your feelings, emotions and habits are. Counting backwards from 5 wakes up the brain and takes it off the safety auto pilot our brain uses for survival that is not really required anymore. It interrupts patterns of behavior your brain does on auto pilot. When you count backwards 5-4-3-2-1 you Interrupt habit loops that get encoded as close looped patterns. It moves and awakens your prefrontal cortex. By the time you get to “1”, you’ve interrupted procrastination and by counting backwards you’ve applied action. It triggers you to have confidence and courage to do what you need to. It doesn’t work if you count up as it doesn’t require focus but if you do it backwards then it requires you to focus. It prompts you to become the person that isn’t just thinking about it, but doing it.
A habit is nothing more than a behavior you repeat on autopilot. It opens a checklist in your brain and it’s important to develop the skill to determine what habits you want to keep and those no longer serving you.
When you understand you have a choice to go from auto pilot to decision maker, your life will be changed forever as everything we do comes from decisions in every moment of the day. We all know what to do we don’t always know how to make ourselves do it. That’s the encouraging part of this idea of counting backwards from 5… it’s so enlightening.
Is Motivation a myth?
Motivation doesn’t work according to Mel Robbins as if it did, so many of us would be living the happy successful life we all desire. Motivation is a flash in the pan and is not long lasting. Think about the many times as I previously described where you were excited to do something and it quickly fizzled out and you became discouraged and stopped desiring to do it. Explained by Robbins, her and her husband Chris had a situation they found themselves in through a failed business that cost them $800,000.00, and nothing got her believing they would overcome this or even get her out of bed some days, until they used this rule to move forward in their life. Her husband said that the 5 Second Rule can help you change the experience of succeeding and failing on so many levels. The awareness gives you so much power and control over both positive and negative thoughts.
I remember when I was married and my then husband was out of town for work a lot, I missed him but found it hard to relay that to him on the phone. The day he was set to come home, I would get excited and decide that when he came in the door, I was going to give him the biggest hug and welcoming home I could and show him just how much I missed and needed him. I was so motivated to do this. However, the moment the door opened, I found myself hesitating and I would talk myself out of it. I was worried about being rejected. This is crazy since the man married me, and obviously he loved me, but I doubted that and myself and rarely followed through. In the end I would not even greet him when he came home, and this contributed to feelings of emptiness in our marriage for both of us. He too was an avoidant and couldn’t overcome his self- doubt either, and I’m sure he had moments where he wanted to tell me how he felt as well and never did. We both had empty love tanks by the end and eventually divorced. This lack of showing up with my emotions happens to me now sometimes with my adult children. There is so much love I want to show them, but I am often holding back. I don’t listen to my initial instincts and heart and instead listen to my ego that tells me I could get rejected or hurt. I have good days with this and then not so good days and am not showing them the love they deserve and I’m not giving the world all of me either when I’m holding back. This is why I go looking for tools like this rule to be a catalyst for the positive change I need to make in my life to have closer connections with family and friends.
In her book, Robbins gives testimonials from people that use this 5 second rule method to always follow through with their gut instincts around showing emotion and having those difficult conversations with those they love. It’s a great example of how getting out of the head for these instances is required to allow vulnerability and intimacy in relationships. She also points out that there have been 800 people that have let her know they didn’t follow through with committing suicide and instead listened to their gut in that pivotal moment and counted backwards from 5 and sought out help instead. There were also examples explained that for some of the people she references, they don’t want to follow through with what they know is right out of fear of failure or not wanting to suck in public and that’s all ego. Motivation does not help in any of these cases and that’s why she calls motivation garbage.
What’s Next?
If there’s a promotion you want to go after or a boundary to set with someone who walks all over you in a relationship, or any area you want to be bolder and braver in, give this a whirl. Check out the many YouTube interviews with Robbins to find out more. What have you go to lose really except maybe doubt? If you are looking to improve your relationships, personal health and fitness, career or family dynamics, just check out the many testimonials on social media about this book that demonstrates how the 5 second rule works. Practice with intention to improve. Only we can hold ourselves back. I am the one that gets in my own way and I’m excited to see where this goes as I embark on the 7-day challenge and if I get some results, I will continue to 30 days then 90 and so on. I’ll keep you posted on my progress. If you decide to try this, please refer back to this article and leave a comment as I’m curious to see what results you get and would love to hear how you make out with it.